azahlia

My curse...

I have spent these months past avoiding the paper.  My words not coming out, unable to express the stories inside.

Today is an odd day.  I woke up with the words 'Persue and Succeed' ringing in my head.  A strong desire to write came to me.  After completeing my morning's business I picked up a pen and paper.  Writer's block strong in my head, unsure of what to put on the paper.  I sat for a few moments then touched the pen to the paper and the words spilled out.  Like I have not seen in so long...

I don't recognize them, however. They don't feel... My own...

WTB LOTZ PLZKTHX!!!

1. What was the first video game you have ever played?
I honestly can't remember, but I'm pretty sure it was Super Mario Bros.

2. What was your first console?
NES

3. Have you ever visited a video game arcade?
well of course

4. What was your first handheld?
Gameboy Color

5. What was the first game you've beaten/cleared completely?
oof... That's tough...  i would have to say Final Fantasy IV, because i don't remember playing any games to beat them until i was like 15

6. Games based off of real sports: Yay or Nay?
nay

7. Online games: Yay or nay?
mmo - yes, fps - no

8. Do you play any Massively Multiplayer Online RPG games? (MMORPGs?)
not presently, but have played Final Fantasy XI, World of Warcraft, RF online, and a few more obscure ones that I can't remember.  I also plan on playing Final Fantasy XIV

9. Do you play any virtual pet games? (Neopets, Teripets, Aftermathzone, etc.)
nope

10. Puzzle games and Strategy games: Yay or Nay?
puzzle games occasionally, strategy games are fun, if they are rts

11. Do you play any RPGs?
definately

12. Do you play any Platformer games?
sometimes, I'm not a big platformer type

13. What was the first game/console/handheld of yours that stopped working?
NES, my dad played the crap out of it, and honestly, that's the only game system of mine that's stopped working.  My snes still worked when I let my cousins have it, my psx was stolen when it was kinda new, my GB color still worked when i sold it last summer, my ps2, 360 and wii all still work fine.

_______________
Characters/Plot
_______________
14. Do you actually care if a game has a plot or do you just play games for the gameplay?
I'm a story gamer, usually i don't play games for the gameplay.

15. Name a few video game characters that are your favorites.
Cecil(FF4), KOS-MOS(Xenosaga), Illidan(Warcraft)

16. Name a few series that are your favorites
Final Fantasy(pre-12), Xenosaga, Blue Dragon

17. Has a video game ever made you cry?
yeah, some are pretty epic

18. Has a video game character annoyed you so much that you wanted him removed from the game?
not really, some may annoy me, but if i think of the game without the character, it just doen't feel right

19. Do you "pair" or "ship" characters up with one another?
what?

20. Do you write video game fanfiction?
i have written one FFXI fanfic, it was for one person's eyes only, and that has been all.  It's was written out of pure blackmail.

21. Do you draw video game fanart?
No, I don't draw much of anything.

22. Do you come up with theories on how a character came to be/what he or she would do in a situation/why he or she is moody/etc.
not really

23. Are you a "fanboy" or "fangirl" of any character?
*cough* i don't like to let it be known much, but Cecil is my hero

_____________________
Boss Battles/Villains
_____________________
24. Hardest Boss Battle
Sin(FFX) it's a nigh impossible fight when you play like I do.

25. Most Frustrating Boss Battle
too many to count.  Lvl 100 Bahamut(ff8) took 5 hours to beat him and i didn't lose once.(yes, it took 5hrs for one fight...)

26. Most Rewarding Boss Battle
Malygos(wow) got a black ice

27. Funnest Boss Battle
optional boss in lost odyssey, it's impossible to lose, if you know how to do it, otherwise you'll only last about 5 mins but it was really fun, feeling like it's game over every 30s only to be brought back and ready to go

28. Most Boring Boss Battle
a couple wow bosses

29. Boss Battle that dragged out for a long, long time
optional boss in LO or bahamut lvl 100 mentioned above

30. Boss Battle with the coolest music
Xenosaga II, the one that uses the theme called 'Fatal Fight'

31. Most Surprising Boss Battle
I dunno, played too many games, and none are outwardly very surprising.

32. What's your all time favorite villain?
Golbez

33. What's your all time least favorite villain?
Kefka

34. Do you ever feel sorry for the villains?
not really, sometimes, but i donno

35. Are there any villains that seem like they should be playing for the good guys, but aren't?
a few, i remember, good guys with a bad disposition

36. Most malicious villain?
Albedo (xenosaga) that guy was a perv for violence and masochism

37. Most surprising villain?
dunno

_________
Favorites
_________
38. What is your all-time favorite 2D Game?
Final Fantasy IV

39. What's your favorite 3D game? (PS1/N64 generation)
Final Fantasy IX

40. What's your favorite arcade game?
Dragon Spirit or Punisher

41. What's your favorite next-gen game? (Gamecube/PS2/X-Box)
dunno, gonna say Lost Odyssey

42. Sequels/long series: Yay or nay?
yay, depending on the series

43. What's your favorite Online Game?
WoW

44. What's your favorite console?
360

45.What's your favorite handheld?
DS

46. Have you ever got yourself involved in a "console war"?
no

47. Have you ever defended a character/game/console you liked in an argument? Which one?
Cecil(and I won that arguement, after my buddy played the game)

48. Name a game that you like but everyone else seems to hate.
dunno, usually I hate games that everyone likes

49. Name a character that you like but everyone else seems to hate.
dunno

50. Name a game that you hate but everyone else seems to like.
Halo

51. Name a character that you hate but everyone else seems to love.
dunno

_____________
Miscellaneous
_____________
52. Have you ever stopped before you finished a game because it was too frustrating to go on?
yes

53. Will you stop at NOTHING to get 100% in a video game?
i try, but usually i get to about 90-95% and get bored and move on

54. Have you ever injured yourself at a video game?
skinned my left thumb playing Guilty Gear X, seriously, i was raw and had to band-aid it for a few days

55. Has a horror/survival genre video game scared you to the point that you refused to finish the game? Did you get nightmares from said game?
I have never played a a horror/survival game, ever

56. Have you ever thrown a controller/disc/cartridge in a fit of frustration?
controller, yes, but not destructivly, i'll just toss it at the floor or to the side on the couch

57. Do you need to blow/clean certain games to get them to play?
nah, i keep good care of my games

58. Have you ever played a game for so long that you missed sleep over it?
Final Fantasy IX, I bought the game and didn't sleep for 3 days

59. Were you ever involved in the Pokemon craze?
not the craze part, but I do enjoy playing the games.  In competitive play, Pokemon requires a lot of strategy and skill, and could easily be the top game in that playing style.

60. Last but not least: Do you picture yourself playing video games 10, 20, or 30 years from now?
considering how I rarely play them right now...? I don't see myself playing them much more than 5 years, or, maybe socially playing an mmo, but nothing big.

So, I have known for some time that I am an exception writer with one flaw..

I'm overly descriptive.  That doesn't sound like a flaw, but it is.  Being overly descriptive in creative writing leads the work to be less creative and more scientific.

I have been forcing myself away from writing as I used to, letting the viewer's mind to take over the minor details.  It has led to some of my best writing that I have ever made, writing that I am truly proud of.

A few weeks ago I realized that being so descriptive is not always a flaw, one form of writing in particular actually benefits from being more descriptive, as long as you keep it tasteful.

Smut.

Some people may look at me and be a little shocked at first.  A lot of people don't know the true 'me.'  The art of sex has been an obsession of mine for a long time.  Yes, I call it an art.  It is, and very much so.  The feelings, the desires.  The emotions, everything that is put into one act can be so strong.  A simple painting, a simple writing, can convey so much more about how a person feels than a simple observation ever truly could.

A few years ago I wrote a short story for a friend.  She demanded that I write something for her, and after some time I decided to.  A small portion of the story was smut, I was unhappy and I wanted to make a joke of the story.  She was overwhelmed and enjoyed the story very much.

Since then I have always thought about doing more, but have always been deterred from it, hiding that side of myself from society.

Those weeks ago, I wrote something for another friend.  Another request.  I was overwhelmed by how it turned out, how strong it was.  They were equally amazed and from that point I decided that I wished to continue writing more.

Then it dawned on me, DA prohibits pornography.  I decided to read their policy on it.  It threw my ideas in the air.  The policy is so strict that it is nigh impossible to post any writing that is even minorly sexually based.

'• Sexual Intercourse

A literary work may not detail graphic or explicit sexual intercourse. This includes descriptions of sexual penetration, oral to genital contact, genital to anal contact, oral to anal contact and may also include certain types of genital to genital contact and oral to breast contact.

This prohibition extends to descriptions of bodily fluids associated with sexual acts such as semen and vaginal lubricants.'

so...

I was stumped.  I still am, somewhat.
I will not let that deter me, however.  Ideas are already flowing in.  A lustful poetry of the soul.  

I no longer consider it to be a set-back.  My mind is a-buzz with ideas, an artistic projection, and what I see over the horizon is better than what I am leaving behind.

With this, I leave you...
I can't promise anything, writing has been hard for me in any way as of late.

To the future, I suppose...

I lost Azahlia
the whole first and completed chapter

I can't find the notebook
I have looked everywhere...

It was the only copy I had, aside from what I had already posted on here...
but... no... I can't write it over, there was just too much there...